5/02/2015

A boy who is closer to being a teen

John’s birthday is March 29,.He is going to be a 10-year-old boy this year.

Although he is entering his age of pre-teen, I still clearly remember how this tiny newborn baby lay in my arms almost a decade ago. I still remember how soft and fragile he was. What a lovely & perfect angel he was at that time.

Is there going to be a big difference between before ten or post ten? My anticipation is of course not, he is not going to be a big boy over one night.


But actually there were some changes before his 1o year’s birthday. One day after dinner he said that he was a big boy now and then he washed everybody’s bowls, plates and also mopped the floor, although he splattered water everywhere. I read some parents magazine and it said that kids at a younger age can be trained to help parents with housework. It is not the same case with kids who are born in a traditional Chinese family.

In a traditional Chinese family, kids are not required to do housework. In their lives, eating well, studying well and sleeping well are all the key expectations parents have for a kid. Chinese parents -especially moms -their responsibility is to make sure their kid eats well with enough nutrition, sleeps early to have enough sleep and studies well and to have a good study habit.

Kids usually are not expected to help parents to do housework so when John did that for me that night I was almost moved to tears. I was wondering is that the signal of growing up?

There are more changes than that. In the past, almost everyday, we needed to remind him to practice piano according to the teacher’s requirement. He usually could not focus on practicing piano and he usually ran between piano and kitchen back and forth lots of times during his practicing. I was sometimes very  angry at him since it seemed he could not stay on the piano bench for more than two minutes. But before his birthday, one night he suddenly could discipline himself and sit on the bench for more than half an hour without moving.

However, does it mean that my boy really has became a big boy and is saying goodbye to his childhood? Indeed, not quite yet.

After a nice birthday party in the Science World, he and his 8 friends celebrated together. My dear mentor told me that when she was a child, her family has an Easter Bunny fantasy tradition and she still remembered it so well. I thought it was quite an interesting idea and thought John would love it because he loved so much about the Santa Clause fantasy .

Before 2015 Easter’s day, I used my mentor’s story and told John that the Easter bunny may come to our house and leave eggs in his basket if he put some grass in the basket and then put the basket under his bed. But the most important expectation is that he needs to sleep before 9 o’clock.



For two weeks before Easter, he dragged on and on before going to sleep. Although we required him to go to sleep before 9, he sometimes went to sleep around 10.

Not surprisingly, my dear Mr. Dragger was very excited about the Easter bunny fantasy and he was wondering how Easter bunny was going to visit us and leave eggs in his basket. The night before Easter, he did everything faster. He finished his homework nice and quick. He finished piano practicing nice and quick. He ate dinner nice and quick –usually he could spend more than 30 minutes on dinner since he was a slow eater who could also be easily distracted. After everything was nicely done, he had a shower and brushed his teeth, he even washed his face - John usually just wiped his face instead of washing face with water. Then my smart boy appeared in front of us in his lovely pajamas! How sweet a moment was that! I thought I was in my dream!

He looked at the clock and ensured that the time is still before 9. He made a phone call to his father and said good bye to his father 2 minutes before 9. Then he sat on his bed and started to talk with Easter bunny :”Hi Easter Bunny, it is now 8:59 and I am going to sleep soon, please do come and leave eggs in my basket. Thanks.”

I was very happy about the turnout. What a harmonious world it would be if my boy could be such a good boy every day!

Of course, I- the “mother’ Easter bunny sneaked in his room in the middle of night, and lay on the ground looking for the basket under his bed .After I found the basket, I “laid” 2 chocolate eggs on the grass. Then I sneakily left his room. The next morning, he proudly showed us that his friend –the Easter bunny had visited him and laid two eggs there.


Since the result was so wonderful and the world was so peaceful because of the Easter Bunny, the next day, I told him that Easter bunny will visit him 3 times in a week after Easter holiday if he can be a good boy and go to bed before 9. Of course, this was the most efficient way to tell him that he needed to sleep before 9. In the following 3 days, the Easter bunny left another 6 chocolate eggs in his basket.

The week after Easter’s day, John participated in the Vancouver Music festival and won a 1st and a 2nd prize in the festival in two Grade 6 groups. We were so proud of the results. Then John asked if Easter bunny knew this. Of course, the bunny does!

In the following 5 days after the music festival, the Easter bunny sneaked into his room at night and left all kinds of stuff in John’s basket : a card, a red hot-wheel car, a yellow hot-wheel car and 2 DVDs as the gifts for his outstanding performance!

So has my boy become a big boy now? Of course he hasn’t. I am not worrying about when he can be a big boy and become realistic and mature. I am hoping that he can enjoy every moment as a child and have fantasies as long as he wants. Childhood is so short, and adulthood is so long.

John's series 7- Where is grandpa?

On the first day of 2015, we sadly lost a dear family member – my father-in-law . After lunch he did not feel well. After lying down to have a nap, he passed away peacefully in 20 minutes.

When I heard the news from my husband, I felt quite sad. I felt the life is so short especially when such tragedy suddenly happened. After I calmed down, I was wondering how I could tell John this news.

We used to live very close to John’s grandpa and grandma. We often had breakfast and dinner together. My husband and I were working full time, it was John’s grandparents who took care of John for years.

I did not tell John this news immediately since he had an important exam very soon. After his exam, one night, I took a breath and tried to talk with him in a very indirect way : “Sweetie, I need to tell you something tonight.” John looked at me and waited for me to continue.

I cleared my voice and tried to be natural “Your grandpa moved to another place. He is not at home anymore…”

John looked at me and he suddenly became tense although I was pretending to be normal. John said: “Why did my grandpa leave home? Why is he not at home anymore…?”

I tried to squeeze a smile and said: “He moved to a beautiful place, which is heaven. He used to be sick and did not feel comfortable for a long time when he was at home. In heaven he will not be sick anymore.”


John stared at me and put his toy down. Before our conversation, he was building a home with Lego. “Mom, do you mean my grandpa has died?” John said.

“Well…sweetie, we should choose another word. Grandpa is still there, but not in the same place, he has moved to heaven and he will have an eternal life there.” I found it was quite hard to tell John this news since it was the first time in his life that he lost a family member.

“But grandpa will not be home anymore, I cannot hug him and see him.” John felt very sad and burst out crying.

I know it has been quite hard for John to face this reality. His grandpa loved him so much and John liked to sit on his grandpa’s lap when he was little.

“Well, although you cannot see your grandpa, he can see you in heaven. Maybe he is looking at us and listening to our conversation now.” I am not sure if this is a correct way to talk about death with my child, but this is the only way I feel less hurtful to him.

“But I want to see his face and see his smile. I want to hug him. Now how can I hug him?” John was still crying and he could not stop.

Later that night, the conversation was quite long. John was very sad before sleep. He said he would like to have his grandpa back in his dream.

In the next week, John was still wondering how he could meet with his grandpa just like he did before. He hoped to sit with grandpa and have dinner together. He hoped to jump onto his grandpa’s bed and made naughty boy’s trick on his grandpa. He hoped to sit with his grandpa and watch TV together… John had imagined lots of scenes with his grandpa and was very sorrowful during the week. He was lost in thought sometimes and he was trying to understand where his grandpa was.

I had told him lots of scenarios to make sure he knows that his grandpa is quite happy, healthy and comfortable in heaven. I told him that although we cannot see his grandpa, he is still having a normal life there.

One day, John looked up at the sky and said to me: “I am worrying about grandpa now because heaven is too noisy.  There are too many planes flying back and forth. Grandpa is very close with those planes. I think he cannot sleep well. And the environment is not good, either. The planes brought a lot of pollution to  heaven. Grandpa may dislike heaven. He still wants to come home and stay with us.”  What a thoughtful boy! I am very moved by his worries. I told John that the sky is not the same as  heaven. Although heaven is also above our head, it is quite far from the sky. So his grandpa is living in a peaceful and nice area. It is not an area, which has been disturbed by airplanes’ engine.

Another day, John told me: “Grandpa is not happy in heaven since he has no friends or family there. He must feel lonely. I want to go to heaven to accompany him.”

I have to comfort John that although we all love grandpa, we still have a lot of things to do on earth. We need to live a good life on earth and later we can go to heaven when we become very old. I also told John that if he goes to heaven to meet grandpa, he cannot hug us anymore.

“Is grandpa still in a wheelchair now? Nobody can help him if he is still in a wheelchair. It was my grandma or dad who pushed the wheelchair for grandpa before, how can grandpa go dining or shopping without grandma and dad?” this is another concern of John’s


I told John that actually God has cured grandpa so he can walk anywhere.

“But God only eats western food, grandpa likes Chinese food!” One day John had this new concern. Usually when we go to church, we go to the English session so John thought God is a western person and he only understands English.

I assured him that God can speak any language and he likes all kind of food.

In the following days, John was still trying to understand where grandpa is now and how’ his life is going.


Now, he feels more comfortable since he believes that his grandpa is watching him everyday from heaven and is living a happy life there. But John still misses his dear grandpa and he loved him so much.

5/01/2015

Why Volunteer?

I have two volunteers job including my full time job. I am now  the VP of Education for  my Toastmasters club ,as well as the Social Media Strategist for Peace Geeks :a nonprofit organization that promotes peace in developing countries.

Why volunteer? My answer is simple; I had been given so much from other people ‘s help when I needed it and now I have the opportunity to help others and give back.  I may have the ability to make a difference today, but there could always be a time when I may be the recipient of the kindness from somebody else’s volunteer contributions.

Five years ago, when I immigrated to Canada, I received an abundance of help from so many people in so many ways. From the volunteers who helped me re-create my Chinese resume into an English version, to the volunteers from Toastmasters who mentor me to improve my public speaking, there has been an lots of help I received . My dear mentor Ms. Beverly Busson, volunteered to be my lifetime mentor from the time we met at the Women’s Executive Network program in 2012. The other volunteers in my life have inspired me to volunteer;


One volunteer experience that touched me most was during the time I was a student at SFU 2 years ago. I participated in a program to feed the hungry, distributing breakfast to the homeless in downtown Vancouver’s eastside.

I had arrived early that Sunday morning, it was dark and cold, and already I could see that there were many people lined up to receive food. We served a small breakfast of two pancakes, a yogurt, and a piece of fruit. Each person that came for a meal was grateful. 

Other than volunteering, I am happy with the opportunity my church gives me to sponsor a little girl in the Philippines. She is 11 years old, and I remember first seeing her picture and feeling shocked at how thin and malnourished she was. I quickly realized that eliminating a $15 meal from my budget can support a child in developing countries for an entire month.

Volunteering also gives me time for self- reflection, I ask myself if I have been taking for granted all the wonderful things in my life, could I help more people and make other’s lives better? It is through helping others that I am able to have a deeper look at my inner self.