In Vancouver, lots of Chinese families live
in a separation mode. The mode is that mothers and kids live in Vancouver and
fathers go back and forth between China and Vancouver. Normally, Chinese fathers
are the breadwinners for families. They need to work and make money in China as
well as to meet their family for family reunions in Vancouver.
Having said that, the fathers have been called
in Chinese “flying space man” since they always need to fly between China and
Vancouver. The mothers are called in Chinese “reserved wives” since they need
to stay in Vancouver with their kids. Lots of Chinese families believe that the
natural and social environment here is better for their kids since Canada has
good air quality ,clean water and safe food, while China has had some crisis to
do with the environment and safe food in recent years. Canada is also a good
place for their family in the long run since lots of people think it’s a safe
country.
Lots of my friends and I are “reserved
wives”. After we came to Vancouver, we found that it was smart to have mother
groups so that we could learn ,cook ,share news and life experiences in another
country while our husbands are in China.
In fact, I belong to such a group. The
group consists of 4 mothers. We gave our group a cool name: “spicy mothers’
gang”. In our group, we have Lilian, Louise, Sarah and me. We have 5 kids
altogether and most of them are between age seven to nine so they can play well
with each other.
It’s said that similar people are attracted
to each other. We four moms have lots of similarities so that we can get along
well. Firstly, we are all Chinese moms with a kid or kids at similar age;
Secondly, except Sarah- whose husband does not travel between China and
Vancouver, all the other three mothers are in the separation mode, which I have
mentioned above. Lastly, we have lots of similarities in our personalities.
For example, Lillian and I were colleagues
in China, one of our similarities is that both of us do not have good memories.
I usually easily forget about things if I has
not recorded them on my iPhone or notebook. Before I knew Lillian, I often felt
bad about my poor memory. I lived in a city for 10 years but I still needed a
GPS to direct me to lots of locations. In the past, I always forgot one of my
best friends- Sally’s birthday. I sent her birthday cards on different dates
since I could not remember her birthday correctly before I started to use e-calendar
and smart phones to record things. For couple of years, I always needed to ask
my father when his birthday and my brother’s birthday were since their
birthdays were quite close.
I always forgot my passwords. I was a kind
of person who felt that different passwords on different things really bothered
me. Some passwords need to be all numbers; some passwords need a combination of
numbers and letters. Some bank’s passwords are 6 digits and some are 4 digits.
I used to be locked of my bankcard several times since I often forgot those
passwords.
One day my husband bought me a small
notebook with a key on it. He thought that I could write down all my passwords
on this notebook and then I could keep it safe by locking it. In fact, I wrote
down all my passwords in it. But one day, I found that I lost my notebook’s key.
I looked for it for couple of days then finally I found it. However, I found that
I could not find my notebook because I felt unsafe for losing its key and I hid
it somewhere but I totally could not find it back.
One day ,my husband was quite mad at me for
my poor memory. I reorganized my accessories at home, and then I found a
beautiful necklace that I seldom wore. I showed it to my husband and said: “Look
at this beautiful necklace, it’s a gift from my auntie who always sent me
gifts. What a good auntie I have!”
My husband stared at me in shock and he
said : “Is it a gift from your auntie?? It’s me who bought it for you on our 2
year’s anniversary!”
Anyway, I felt great after I had Lillian as
my good friend. She did not have a good memory ,either. Her husband, Lao Tang always
liked to joke that Lillian and I must have felt great after we found each
other. We would never feel shamed for our poor memories from now on since we
have each other as a mirror. We both felt comfortable after finding we were not
alone for forgetting things.
One day when I was preparing dinner in my
kitchen. Lillian called me and asked for help. “Can you pick up my daughter from
her school? I forgot to pick her up today and I am now still at Costco. Her
teacher called me just now and she is asking me to pick up my daughter in 10
minutes since the office is about to close soon. I can not believe that I had lots
of missed calls from the office.”
Our mother gang has established a system of
rotating dinners where each of us takes turns to be the hostess. One day, it’s
Lillian’s turn to have a dinner party at her home. Even though she was quite hospitable
and had prepared a lot of food, she was quite nervous being the hostess.. In
the middle of the dinner, she suddenly cried out because she forgot a dish in
the oven. She brought it out to our table then we continued the dinner. A few
minutes later, just before we almost finished, she screamed again: Oh, there’s
another dish in the Microwave. I forgot to take it out….
Lillian’s husband told us another joke. Four
years ago, she forgot which floor her apartment was on after she delivered her
second baby and came back home from the hospital. In fact, she was just away
for a few days and she forgot where she had lived for several years.
Now Lillian and I were always reminding
each other that we are not alone.
On the other hand, the other two moms of
our “spicy mother’s gang” -Sarah and Louise’s similarities are they both love to
cook and their food is always very good
Sarah and Louise both like eating a 4th
meal late at night so both of them always complained that it’s so hard to lose
some weight.
Sarah seems to be born for cooking. She turns
to cooking when she is not happy. Cooking makes her feel much better. Her
kitchen is like her lab so that she can invent lots of new dish in it. Every
night she will post lots of food pictures on Wechat (a popular social media
platform for Chinese). I decided not to look at her posts after 9pm. After
watching those pictures I usually feel hungry and want to look for something to
eat.
One day Sarah invited me to watch a Chinese
annual filmfest. We were a bit dressed up for the fest and we drove to a grand
theatre, which was about 60 minutes away. After we sat down, a few minutes
later, she started to check posts on Wechat. She was especially interested in
those food posts and she excitedly told me that her friends had found some new
places to eat.
That night, Louie and Lillian were at home
taking care of our kids so that Sarah and I could have time for the filmfest. I
told Sarah that Louie was a good cook, too. Louie was especially good at
cooking Northern China food such as dumplings and Chinese pancakes.
During the filmfest, Sarah and I were both
thinking of Louie’s dumplings instead of watching the show. After the show was
finished, we both rushed for home ,hoping we could eat Louise’s dumplings
sooner.
Usually around 11pm, we were almost going
to sleep, Sarah would tell us that she was hungry and needed to look for
something to eat. What an eater!
I knew Louise on the trip to Whistler. She
joined us two days before we left for Whistler. After our group had arrived at
Whistler, we soon realized that Louie was the best cook among us. She could
cook very tasty food with those limited materials that we brought from
Vancouver. Watching her cooking was just like watching a cooking class, she
gracefully washed and cut those materials and put them on plates. She cooked
quite fast. With her help, all of our four mothers and kids could have a warm
and delicious meal after a long cold day skiing.
Louie was a mom who has a direct
personality. She once shopped with us at an outlet in Seattle. That day she
bought a black Burberry coat, which was a bit costly. Next week, she told us
that she fought with her friend because her friend said the coat looked ugly on
her. She would not permit others to say that the coat was not pretty.
Anyway, it’s fortunate to have such a Mom’s
Group in Vancouver. We four moms share the happiness, cooking skills and life
experiences together. In addition to that, our kids can play and grow together.
