the Secret to be Happy

Before I stared the speech I would like to know how many people are always happy? How many of you have had a bad day, you are frustrated and end up not very happy? Please raise your hand.

Dear Chairperson, fellow toastmasters and distinguished guests. Today’s topic is about “the secret to be happy”. When I was a kid and very few times I felt not happy because my parents had not bought me a new doll as they promised or I was freaked out by boys bad trick, sometimes those boys in my class like to put a bedbug in my schoolbag because they knew I hate all kinds of insects.

As I grow, there seems more and more things could make me unhappy. Such as when somebody told me I looks like I gained some weight, or I had a bad day during work, or I just chose a wrong restaurant and had a bad meal. The unhappiness seems like a snowball and accumulated all the way along with our life, I wondered if there’s a pill that could make people happier.

 In lieu of a pill, I have found three simple secrets to being happy.

Firstly. Look around the kids around you; did you notice that kids are very easy to be happy? Why is that? The answer is they don’t expect much. In their world, game and play is everything. They don’t have expectations like sophisticated adults who wish to have new clothes, move to a bigger house or find a job with higher salary. One of the most important things that we can do in our modern world is to simplify, to do less rather than more. The problem is that we try and cram more and more things into less and less time, and we pay a price. So doing less -- for example, switching our phone off for three hours when we get home, or not responding to every e-mail as it arrives, having what I call e-mail-free zones -- these little things, simplifying our lives even slightly, can make a significant difference to our productivity as well as happiness.

Secondly. To be optimistic, not to be pessimistic. There’s an old story about optimist and pessimism There’s an old story about gain and loss in China. Once upon a time, there was a farmer in China. He didn’t have a lot of money and, instead of a tractor; he used an old horse to plow his field。 One afternoon, while working in the field, the horse dropped dead. Everyone in the village said, “Oh, what a horrible thing” The farmer said simply, “We’ll see。” He was so at peace and so calm, that everyone in the village got together and, admiring his attitude, gave him a new horse as a gift。 Everyone’s reaction now was, “What a lucky man。” And the farmer said, “We’ll see.”

A couple days later, the new horse jumped a fence and ran away. Everyone in the village shook their heads and said, “What a poor fellow!” The farmer smiled and said, “We’ll see.” Eventually, the horse found his way home, and everyone again said, “What a fortunate man.” The farmer said, “We’ll see.” Later in the year, the farmer’s young boy went out riding on the horse and fell and broke his leg. Everyone in the village said, “What a bad thing for the poor boy.” The farmer said, “We’ll see.” Two days later, the army came into the village to draft new recruits. When they saw that the farmer’s son had a broken leg, they decided not to recruit him. Everyone said, “What a fortunate young man.” The farmer smiled again—and said, “We’ll see.”

 So think about the gain when you have a loss. An optimistic attitude goes a long way to making you happy.

Thirdly ,do some sports or find something you enjoy. Such as swimming, tennis, listening to music or singing. Physical exercise contributes a great deal to happiness; in fact, there is research showing that regular exercise, three times a week for 30 to 40 minutes of aerobic exercise is equivalent to some of our most powerful psychiatric drugs in dealing with depression or sadness or anxiety. We've become a sedentary culture where we park our car next to our workplace or take the train and we don't walk like our fore parents used to. How far do we walk today? Well it depends on where we park our car. We were made to be physically active.

So, my dear friends, to be happy are not that difficult. Simplify your lives, look on the brighter side of life and Things to pick up your spirit

the Benifit of footbaths and foot massage

How many of you have heard of or tried healthcare for feet? For example, have you tried footbaths and foot massage before? Do you know that it is a very healthy habit to do something nice to your feet and give your feet a treat before sleep? Today I am going to tell you the benefits to taking special care to your feet .

Why should we have footbaths and massage? Why should we have them as regular habits everyday? How can we look after our feet at home and how much time should we spend doing this every day?

Firstly, there is a saying that “feet are the focus of the whole body”. This saying is not just the Chinese or Japanese theory; it has also been very well received in North America. You may have heard about Reflexology, it is one therapy that you can learn about if you want to care for your feet in North America. The theory behind reflexology is that there are lots of points on the sole of each person’s feet. And these reflex points relate to specific organs and glands in the body, and stimulating those points with external pressure promotes health in those organs and glands via the body's energetic pathways.

According to science of reflexology ,what is called “channels and collaterals” ,there are a total of 76 points on the combined left & the right feet. There are 3 important yin meridians assembled on our feet. Feet are also called the 2nd heart of a human body. Lots of problems related to a heart could be solved through feet therapy. Once the heart gets warmed through stimulation on the feet, it can provide sufficient blood to the whole body. Then the cells in our body can have enough oxygen. Then we can feel energetic and healthy. Besides that ,it has been scientifically proved by Asian researchers that our five Zang-organs and six Fu-organs all have relative points on our feet. Five Zang-organs refer to the heart, the liver, the spleen, the lung and the kidney. Six Fu-organs refer to the gall bladder ,the stomach, the small intestine and the large intestine，bladder and triple warmers. The common physiological function of the five Zang-organs is to transform and store essence. The main function of the six Fu organs is to digest foods, absorb and keep its nutrients and discard its waste. So you could tell how important is the relations between our feet and the rest of our body. If you have foot massage by an experienced traditional Asian massage therapist, they can tell you which area is not healthy by observing your sense of pain after stimulating the points on your feet. Isn’t that amazing?

Secondly, having footbaths to warm your body is very helpful. There is a saying by traditional Chinese doctors that having cold foods and drinks are not good for health. If you always have cold foods cold drinks, you will bring pressure to your stomach. Since your stomach needs to generate more energy to warm the food first before it can digest more thoroughly. Also you will make your stomach work harder if you always throw cold food or cold drinks in it. It is why lots of Chinese people like to have warm water or tea instead of cold water or drinks. It is just an example why we need to warm our body by warming one of our organs.

I have a friend whose hands and feet were always very cold. She had lots of spots on her face .Besides that ,she often had chest distress and always felt tired. One day a Chinese doctor gave her a special prescription, which is to have a 15-20 minute foot baths and foot massage everyday before sleep. She took the doctor’s advice and purchased a foot spa machine to have a footbath and massage every night. She poured the warm water in the machine, turned the machine to work at 42 degrees and then soaked her feet in the machine for 20 minutes. She also rolled her feet on the massage bar, which has convex grain design. When she did this, the points on her feet could get stimulated, which related to organs in her body as we just said. After 3 months’ diligent application the foot bath and foot massage every night, her hands and feet got warmer and warmer; she felt more comfortable and did not have chest distress any more. After 6 months, her skin cleared up.

The reason for her discomfort is a bad blood circulation. Bad blood circulation can cause various symptoms such as fatigue,cold hands cold feet and spots.

Thirdly, taking special care of feet can give you a long and healthy life. Another story is that there is a small village named ChongSheng Villiage in Japan. This village is also called Logivity Village, which has been reported by lots of reporters since this village was found in 1997. The average livespan of people passed away is 96.1. Why is that? Besides eating a healthy diet habit, all of the village people have a footbath every day. Why is that? A theory which has been proved by researcher is that once the whole body gets warmer and higher than a certain temperature, the body’s toxin will be evacuated out with sweat or urine. So when people have hot water footbath ,usually around 42 degrees to 45 degrees, they sweat and their toxins will be evacuated. Then people will get healthier.

So are you ready to start foot healthcare from today? It’s easy to do it at home. Just search foot spa or footbath on Amazon.com or google it, you can find lots of choices. Make sure you select the one which could allow you to adjust or set temperature so that you do not need to add hot water to keep it at a certain temperature again and again. Also to have massage bar or convex grains so that you can have foot massage as well with the footbath! It is very easy to have a healthier life. You will find that you will fall asleep easier and sleep better after this.

A cooking class

How many of you like cooking? How many of you like trying some traditional Chinese dishes? … Today I am going to give you a cooking class in 7 mins. I will teach you how to cook a famous Chinese dish - Pork Belly with Eggs.

Pork Belly with Eggs, this dish is a traditional dish in Eastern China. (Such as Shanghai, and Jiangsu province) I remember that in my childhood when my grandmother cooked this dish I could always eat a lot , it’s so yummy and delicious .It was one of my favorite dish that I remember most from my childhood.

Now let’s get started, Let’s review the ingredients first: 1 piece of pork belly with skin (1.5 pounds), 6-8 eggs, star anise （3 whole pieces）, 2*2*1/3 inches ginger 5 pieces, one green onion, dark soy source (4 teaspoons), 1 tsp of salt, cooking wine (10 ml) and 1/4 of cup of graduated sugar. The cooking equipment is: a saucepan with a lid, a chopping board, and a chopping knife.

Step 1, purchase a pork belly with the skin from Asian market. Wash it and cut it into small strips about 4*6 cm like this.
Step 2, put the strips into boiling water and let them boil for 2-3 minutes , then you will see the white grease comes out a bit. That’s why this dish is not greasy, as you may have imagined before. This step is quite important.

Step 3, pour out the water and wash the pork belly strips in cold water, then use a piece of paper towel to dry them.

Step 4, put a dry saucepan on a stove, turn the fire to low, add all the pork belly. And remember do not put any oil please , since you will get enough oil from the pork belly later…In 2-3 minutes you will see the fatty oil – the lard comes out from the pork belly slowly . ….Keep frying them a bit until you see the fried side turning into brown. Turn the pork belly to another side and continue frying. As the oil come out from the pork belly ,you can smell the lovely lard smell in your kitchen. ….Pour out the extra oil into a dry bowl (be very cautious, it’s extremely hot, stay away from kids) and save it for later .You can use the lard to cook other dishes ,which you will find very tasty. Add some dark soy source on the fried pork belly and stir the belly a while until you see the belly turns into a darker color.

Step 5. Add the other ingredients into the pot (the ginger, star anises, onion, the cooking wine and the sugar). Bring it to boil and cook them for 2-3 minutes and then add some hot water just as high as the pork belly. Let it boil again and then reduce the heat to medium low.

Step 6, Meanwhile, wash the eggs, put them into a pot in cold water and turn the stove to high heat. When the eggs have been boiled for 3-5 minutes,turn off the fire and wash the eggs with cold water. You will find it’s very easy to get the shell from the egg after this step. Because the hot eggs met with the cold water, the simple effect is that the egg shell’s expand when heated and contract when cooled. Then use a small knife and nick several lines on the egg white exterior, later you will find the eggs have absorbed the pork belly sauce and become very tasty eggs.

Step 7, Put the eggs into the pot with the pork belly , turn the fire to high until the mixture boils again, then turn the heat to low and simmer for another 25 minutes. The last step: put the salt in the pot, turn the fire to medium high, reduce the sauce by half. The pork belly has been wrapped with the sauce. Then it’s ready to serve.

Now, Let’s recap the process together, prepare the ingredients 1 piece of pork belly with skin (1.5 pounds), 6-8 eggs, star anise （3 whole pieces）, 2*2*1/3 inches ginger 5 pieces, one green onion, dark soy source (4 teaspoons), 1 tsp of salt, cooking wine (10 ml) and 1/4 of cup of graduated sugar. . Boil the raw pork belly strips before cooking, pour out the water and wash them. Put them into a pan and fry it until you get the lard. Pour out the extra lard and add into the pan the ingredients (except eggs and salt), cook them let it boil . Add hot water into the pan, let it boil and turn to low heat and simmer for 25 minutes. Meanwhile prepare the eggs, after boiled the eggs, use a knife to nick on egg whites and add them with the pork belly. Use low heat to continue cooking for 25 minutes, finally add salt, turn to high heat and reduce the sauce by half and then it’s ready to serve. This dish could serve 4-6 people.

What makes a leader?

Everybody has read or heard about a good story about a leader. Maybe you know somebody who is a highly intelligent executive but has failed at a job . Or maybe you know someone who is not that intelligent and outstanding but has been promoted to an executive position and has done quite well. Today I am going to talk about What Makes A Leader?

I would like to share with you a part of an article , which I found very impressive. It’s an article written by Daniel Goleman ,published in Harvard Business Review.

Daniel said “IQ and technical skills are important, but emotional intelligence is the sine qua non of leadership. Effective leaders are alike in one crucial way: they all have a high degree of emotional intelligence.”

I could not agree more with this! What are the components of Emotional Intelligence at Work? According to Daniel there are five components: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy and social skill.

First, Self-awareness. Self-awareness is the ability to recognize and understand your moods, emotions, drives as well as their effect on others. How many of us have self-awareness? There’s a saying in Chinese by Zeng Zi (the student of Kongzi) said “sān xǐng wú shēn”, which means check yourself from 3 aspects everyday. People appear to be so busy nowadays, they go to work, feed the family, participate networking events, think about how to get promoted and the next place for travel…but they do not have time to calm down and think for 3 minutes about themselves each day…Have you hurt your colleagues by criticizing them today? Or have you turned cold to a warm-hearted friend and pushed him away? Or have you discouraged your children and have not appreciated what they have done?...Think about it, 3 minutes per day. You could be more honest with yourself by knowing yourself better.

Second, Self- regulation : Self- regulation is the ability to control or redirect disruptive impulses and moods. Several years ago there was one staff transferred to my department who reported to me. She had been working in the company for 8 years before she worked with me. One day she submitted her 1st report and I found numerous mistakes in it. How could she work in this position for 8 years and still perform so poorly?...My first reaction was to ask her to my office and blame her. But I cooled down, I sent her an email, thanked her for submitting the report in a timely and efficient manner. However, there were some mistakes in it. I pointed out some mistakes and asked her to resubmit it to me. She then resubmitted with fewer mistakes and I kept encouraging her for doing well. Until one day, I received an email from her and she said: I had never realized that I could do such a good work before. Thank you! ..Now she is a leader overseeing the Marketing team. Today I feel fortunate I had not discouraged her at that time.

Goleman’s 3rd point is Motivation -a passion to work for reasons that go beyond money or status. Could you motivate your employees, your peers or your child to work toward a goal? Could you be optimistic even if the situation is tough? Could you make people feel it’s worth working with you on a vision? Lots of us may have heard about Steve Jobs , although being a difficult boss, he was not a good example ,but he was a visionary person who could motivate people to believe in the vision and work passionately toward it. He thought the future mobile phone would be an all-in-one device not just for phone calls and text message. So since the 1st iPhone launched 2007, the definition of mobile phone was tremendously changed.

Fourth, Empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand the emotional makeup of other people. Company’s HRs always said it’s hard to retain talents, but have they reviewed their managers to see if they understand their employees? Could managers notice their employees’ needs for career improvement and a sense of accomplishment?

The final point is Social Skill – proficiency in managing relationships and building networks…could you easily find common interest in people and build rapport in networking events? A manager’s skill is to manage and utilize his/her resources. The broader the network he/she has, the more resources he/she can utilize.

So how many of you remember the 5 components of EQ as a leader? Let’s revisit them together: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy and social skill.

My story of losing weight

Lots of women always keep a close eye and watch their weight. And lots of women always want to lose some weight. Today I do have a story to share.

Back to the time when I was a university student, I lived with my grandmother and did not live in the student’s dormitory. My grandmother was a philosophy　professor at the university and sometimes I felt like I was a small child in a military school. According to my dear grandma’s “family rule”, I got up at 6:30am, then I went outside to do some exercises for 30 mins. After my exercise I had breakfast for 20 mins and then I walked to school. I should get home before 9:00pm and get to bed before 9:30pm. Besides that, we had a very nice nanny living in the house who could cook lots of great dishes. I loved her cooking and the food was always so delicious. Until one day, my uncle looked at me and said: “You are good enough now, try not to eat too much”.

What did my uncle mean by saying that? Since my grandma didn’t have a scale in her house, I went to a small shop and weighed myself. When I looked at the scale I was shocked. It seemed that I had gained 25 pounds in one year. I was quite angry and I told the storeowner, that their scale did not work properly since the figure hadn’t shown right. Then I went to another store and tried another scale, to my disappointment, the scale was wrong again. What was wrong with those scales? Then I took a bus to a shopping center, there were several scales in the shopping center, and there should be at least one, which could work properly. To my sorrow, each scale seemed similar. And their figure showed that in fact I had gained 25 pounds.

I felt so sad and I wanted to please myself a bit. I went to a fashion store and wanted to buy a new pair of jeans for myself. As usual, I selected a Medium size and was heading to a fitting room. The clerk stopped me on the way and said, “No, it’s not your size. You will split the jeans because you are so big. ” The other customers turned around and looked at me and started at me. I was taken aback and I hoped to fall in a crack and disappear in a second.

After this sobering experience, I began my journey of trying to lose the 25 pounds.

When the nanny prepared the meal and called me to eat, I stayed in my room and refused to eat anything. I ate only apples and bananas for a week. When I weighed myself again, yeah, I lost 5 pounds in a week. I was so excited and I jumped, and then I fell down because I had become too weak from lacking of enough nutrition.

Next I tried the second way, I heard that sour foods could make people get slimmer because they stimulated digestion. So I tried to drink vinegar and eat haw slices -a traditional Chinese snack made from hawthorn berries. I cautiously ate only 50g of rice and carbohydrate everyday. But the haw slices tasted so good so I ate a lot, and I forgot that there was lots of sugar in haw slices. And drinking vinegar made me feels really sick.

I gave it up and tried another new way. I heard that people could lose weight if the foods were evacuated from body before they were absorbed. Then I purchased some laxative privately and took several pieces everyday. My grandmother saw me go to washroom quite frequently. She insisted on bringing me to see a doctor. After she found the secret laxative in my drawer. My 3rd plan was aborted again.

In the end, it happened that female students could take fitness dance as gym lessons for that school summer semester. By taking fitness dance for 3 months at 38 degree’s summer, I lost the 25 pounds. Until then I realized that aerobic exercises made me feel good, healthy and energetic. The most important was that -I lost the 25 pounds! 

New beginning -when my boy was born

Before I got married, I was a daughter being spoiled by my parents and my grandparents. I was self –centered, and just did what I liked without caring about others’ feelings. And I did not know how to be a good wife, nor know how to cook, nor had I ever done house work. My mother-in-law described me behind my back and she said that “I was kind of a woman who only knows shopping, dining and spending money and doesn’t know how to care about others”. My parents lived in the same city with me about 15km away, and they always said: “Don’t ever go to kitchen to cook by yourself. We will find you a nanny to cook and take care of you. Or just call us if you want to eat anything. We will come to your house and make it. Don’t go into the kitchen because it’s dangerous, you cannot handle the gas oven because you never used that before…”

At that time, we had a worker who did all the housework and cooking for us and I thought that’s my life.

Until one day, I felt a bit uncomfortable and I went to a doctor. That day I was told that I had got pregnant! And I was going to be a mother! I could not believe my ears. I didn't feel I was ready to be a mother. ., and I thought I was my mother’s child although I was already in my twenties!

In the first 3 months, I was undergoing serious morning sickness. I threw up everything immediately whatever I ate. I felt dizzy all the time. Sometimes I fainted because I could not eat anything and was so weak…at that time I thought why is it so hard to be a mother?

One day after 5 months, when I was lying on the couch and was reading a book, I felt something move a little bit in my belly, very gentle, hardly could feel it. I put down the book and was wondering: what is this? Nothing happened, then I continued reading. Again it happened, very slightly and this time it tickled. I stopped reading and I put all my concentration on the sensation. I wanted to know what’s happening. It was like a small fish swimming in my belly. Very light, mild, gentle like a bubble but I could feel it was a happy and naughty fish!　

I checked the pregnant woman’s dictionary and got to know that it was my baby using his way to communicate with me:” hey, Mom, can you feel me?” Suddenly, I felt great! Woo, a baby’s new life is starting in my body!

I began to have a better appetite, and I learnt that I had to eat for my baby, I couldn’t have the freedom to go on a diet , as I liked to be skinny before. I used to be a picky eater. But I started to eat lots of different foods, which I has disliked before but because according to books, they were good for my baby. I changed my bad life style habits, and started to sleep early and eat lots of fruits, fish, and vegetables and protein rich foods. I felt that it was amazing that I started to change bit by bit. I did not care about me myself more than I cared for my baby although I hadn’t seen him yet.

On Mar 29,2005, at 8 o’clock in the morning, my boy came into the world. After his first cry in the world, I realized that he –my boy - is here in my real life now. Holding this tiny little body in my arms, my heart was melted. This was the new life, new beginning; it was the most amazing feeling ever. I had my nose buried in his tiny body, I loved my boy’s smell, I loved to touch his tender skin gently, I loved to hold his tiny hands, tiny feet and kissed them again and again. ..I forgot my painful body. I became speechless, mindblown, my mind exploded with love.

From that moment, my life was no longer about shopping, fashion, dining anymore; it was more about how to become a good mother. I started to learn to cook baby meals and read books on taking care of a child. My boy’s new life brought me a new life. From a self-centered girl ,I became a insanely devoted mother.